Mind over matter
I have a chronic condition. It’s not something I talk openly about much — if at all. Mostly because I don’t need sympathy; I figure a lot of people are dealing with their own quiet struggles too, and it doesn’t define who I am. That said, it can — and often is — all-consuming. And it is a part of who I am.
Another reason I’ve kept it quiet, perhaps, is that throughout much of my career, I’ve worked at agencies where development was reduced to little more than chasing billable hours, with no real concern for employee well-being. Thankfully, it couldn’t be more different in my job today at Set Studio, and for that, I am truly grateful.
A bit of background on this: for the past 10-plus years, I’ve experienced worsening nerve problems in my right arm. And I’m right-hand dominant, so this is suboptimal!
Broadly, this affects me by:
- Varying degrees of constant pain, 24/7
- Permanent pins and needles in my fingers
- Reduced grip strength and dexterity
- My arm gets fatigued quickly
- I can’t bend my elbow or raise my arm for long
All of this is made worse by using my arm — which is hard to avoid! It’s also really disruptive to sleep.
Unfortunately, I’m yet to get a definitive diagnosis on the NHS or really find out why this has happened — but I’ve always enjoyed sports that have made me more prone to injury, so it’s likely a cumulative result of those. I’ve had many tests, spoken to a lot of consultants, and even had ulnar nerve release surgery for cubital tunnel syndrome, with no success.
The prognosis has always been a bit of an unknown too. I’m starting to see the beginnings of muscle wastage, and the idea has been floated that I may lose the use of my hand altogether — but that future, of course, is hard to predict without a diagnosis.
Whilst there isn’t a lot I can do physically to help, what has become clear is that I need to focus on what I can control — my mindset. It might seem really obvious, but it’s only something in the past couple of years that I’ve recognised. It’s hard to stay positive all the time, but I try to be thankful for what I can do and appreciate those small things more — and not take anything for granted. It’s a work in progress, but it’s paying off.
I also keep really really busy. Downtime is important too, but I find that the less time I have to dwell on things, the better. I spend a lot of time being active outdoors — riding my bike or walking — which, for me, is really healing and a great escape from my desk. I love my job, but getting outside the same four walls helps me immensely. I’ve actually also met a lot of people in similar positions through mountain biking, and it’s been great to hear their stories and journeys, and the things that have helped them along the way. I’m lucky to also have supportive friends and family.
I’ve read somewhere, “it’s not the challenges we face that define us, but how we choose to respond to them,” and I’ve learned that this is both very apt and very grounding. I’ve always admired people who have overcome so much adversity and the strength they’ve shown. This alone has been a big motivator for me.
I guess the key takeaway — and TL;DR version — is: like Dory says in Finding Nemo, “Just keep swimming.”
I know it’s Friday and a bit early for #motivationmonday, but here we are!